I could start this off by telling you exactly how I came to love Star Wars/Leia/Carrie Fisher. I’m sure there are many a people that could talk for hours about said topic. If you ask me about her in person, I will discuss said topic. But to save time for those of you whom have already heard me discuss this more times than you’ve ever asked, I will spare you.
December 27th, 2016 hit me like a truck. Not like a Ford F150 truck, but more like an eighteen wheeler. A former friend of mine sent me a text saying “Have you heard about Carrie Fisher?” on the 23rd, and that alone did not sit well with me. With the way 2016 was treating celebrities, I knew nothing good could have happened. I mean, after all, she had published The Princess Diarist a month prior, so the hype was starting to die down a bit. The “morning” of the 27th, I believe I awoke around noon after spending all night trying to stay up long enough to see if there had any updates on her status. I awoke to messages from my group chat offering their condolences and that they were thinking of me.
And honestly? I can’t even say I was surprised to read that she hadn’t pulled through, but I was devastated.
So now that it’s been a year, I can reflect upon the things I’ve learned in a world without my “Space Mom“.
- A mother’s love cannot be unmatched. I will never forget the absolute shock I felt when I read that Debbie had passed just one day after Carrie.
- Carrie never spent a day of her life without her mother being alive.
- Billie Lourd and Todd Fisher are the world’s strongest human beings. If there was ever a doubt, it’s been erased.
- “Hollyweed” was truly the best thing to happen in 2017 and it occurred on January 1st. (And she would’ve loved it.)
- Tell your loved ones that you appreciate them before you no longer have the chance to.
- Live unapologetically. Take risks, have fun, and don’t apologize for something that makes you happy.
- Humor can make even the worst situations a little bit better. (I really miss her wit.)
- Getting a tattoo kind of hurts.
- Standing up for something (even if unpopular) is worth it.
- Small, random moments remind me of her.
- Being able to talk about mental illness is difficult. Admitting you need help is brave. Realizing you are getting bad again requires self awareness.
- Prozac quite literally saved my life.
- Words have the power of changing the world.
- Tell your truth. Put it out into the world and embrace it.
- There is a hole in my heart that cannot be filled. She took a part of me that I didn’t know she had with her.
- She is always here. She has never left. Her presence is everywhere, whether it be little girls with space buns, sexual assault survivors finding their voices to speak out against their abusers, or citizens rallying behind a cause. She lives on.
I truly, deeply, sincerely miss her. I am forever grateful for the lessons she has taught me over the past 10 years and the ones that she continues to teach me.
Flowing Like the Tide 
